Here marks my first week in Arcata. All things considered, I've been doing better than I thought I would.
I've already called my family at least once and I haven't had to call my mother every day. Haha, yes, this is an accomplishment for me.

Things have been going well. I've put in a lot of job applications and I've already had one interview. I hope to put in a few more this next week and get some more calls. That would be great. Michael is pretty much in the same boat as me, putting out his name and resume left and right.

Believe it or not, I've also started to get a sense of the area. This is much faster than I thought possible. Seriously, I thought it'd take me a month or so. As it is, I can find my way home.

Home. This new house I call home. It's coming a long very nicely and we're for the most part moved in. Just a few more posters and curtains to hang. Washer and dryer arrive tomorrow. Whee!

Random good news: I'm close to Target and there is no Wal-Mart in sight. I am stoked my friends, stoked. I so prefer Target. Haha, I am lame.

Loves to everyone back home! Miss you already!
Seriously, e-mail me, message me, send a carrier pigeon.

I made cookies.

We got the little house! We're both really excited, it's like twice the size of where we live now.
It's kind of scary, though. It's going to be hard for awhile I'm sure, but do-able. It's so weird moving out of Siskiyou county. I've been here for so long...

But it's this cute little duplex house with a little backyard and spacious rooms. I'm so excited about the kitchen space you have no idea. And we actually have a tub rather than just a standing shower. Yays. Good size living room, bedroom with enough room for both dressers.

Only downsides: it's down an alley and the washer/dryer are outside. The alley isn't so bad, though. It's a dead end alley so people won't be driving/walking through it. And at least we have wash/dry hookups. We'll just keep an eye on it.

Oh, and it's a ten minute walk to school! No parking permits for us!

So once we're all settled I'll give the okay for everyone to check it out.

So. My father.

For those of you who don't know, I haven't seen him since my brother got married amost 4 years ago. I communicate via e-mail, ext messages and sometimes even a phone conversation... although I must say the texting and phone calls didn't start until about Thanksgiving 2007. I cried when I heard his voice on the answering service and was afraid Michael's family would see me and think it was them...
I didn't cry because I was happy and all like "oh, I'm so over come with emotion it's my DAD!" I cried because I have no fucking clue what to say to him. I did call him back the next day, but sure enough... 8 minutes into the conversation and he's talking about my mother "stealing the house."

Now he's doing it again. He sent an e-mail to all of us children, and sure enough talks about how "evil" my mother and grandmother all. Have you met them? They're the sweetest people ever... I'll admit, don't mess with them because they'll get back at you eventually. And guess what? He messed with them. Mom can't forgive him for how he treated us kids, and grandma can't forgive him for how he treated HER kid. Mother's protect their children. They are so, so far from evil it's not even funny.
I'm so tired of this conpiracy theory that he has floating around. That mom's out to make him look like the bad guy and how she's stealing the house and blah blah blah. He's so paranoid.

It's times like this that I'm so relieved to see couples like my grandparents, Michael's parents and grandparents. See? It can work out.

There are times when this still upsets me. And it's hard to explain to Michael, who's never been through a divorce. Hell, his friend's have never been through one either. My closest friends? Yeup, divorced parents (sooner or later...) Do we all just flock together because we understand each other?

When I marry, it's for keeps. I don't want to put any offspring of mine through this. I don't want to be in love with someone only to hate them and talk badly of them 25 years later. I couldn't fucking take it. I'm so tired of it, you guys.

Everyday there seems like there is something about the morale of people that I find disturbing. Today it's all these little girls who think that college is going to make them a better person. 
All these girls who think that sex and booze are the number one things that are going to make guys like them. All these dumb guys and girls who think that having sex with more than one person A DAY is right and okay. Cool guys, throw yourselves away like that. That's your reputation you're messing with. 

Do you know how many people have said "I regret that?" Boys and girls alike? That whole "I regret the first time" or "I regret that one night stand?" Jeez, even I regret my first guy even though he was my BOYFRIEND at the time and I was in a RELATIONSHIP. 

I don't feel self-righteous or anything like that and I fear coming off that way. It just seems to me like too many people say they're "comfortable" with themselves so it's okay or they get hammered so they have an "excuse." 
I don't respect that. I'm sorry. I may respect the person and I may like them as a friend (I have a certain male friend that this makes me think of...) but as for their choices...... nope. Sorry. 

I know someone who's girlfriend is pregnant. He isn't even sure if he's the father. That's how much she sleeps around, and he knows it. What's appealing about that? How is a girl who sleeps around on you, who knows with how many people, attractive? 

This is temporary. Find something eternal. 
Are you happy?

I'm starting to get upset about leaving the kids. Again. Everytime I think about moving I get really, really excited. Why shouldn't it be exciting? I've never moved real far away before. I'll meet new people, learn a new place...

but then we go to dinner with my brother's family. And Alexa looks so cute with her new glasses (she looks just like my sister!) and when we meet up again at their house Artie says "Stephanie! You're here!" like he was worried I wouldn't be.

This will be the hardest for me, I can already tell you. The kids. I'll miss my mom, my brother and sister-in-law, friends... but the kids are their own catergory.
I know, I know. Humboldt isn't that far away... but it's more than a 7 minute drive. oh fuck this'll be so hard i can't stand it even now it makes me cry what the fuck am I going to do?

Not to mention they're having a 3rd one and I'm worried about that. I won't be here. Will I be as close? Will this new baby like me? Of course, and I know this, but I can't get past the thought that it'll be so, so difficult.

Michael: "Hello?"
Caller: "Mike?"
M.: "Yeah. Who's this?"
C: "It doesn't matter. Mike, I'm sorry. Tell Stephanie I'm sorry."
M: "Who is this?"
C: "It doesn't matter."
*click*

We're assuming it was Christian.
This is not the first time our phone has rung at this time of morning, though it is the first time we've gotten a conversation. Usually whoever it is hangs up.

When will this end? I ended it a year ago, people break up. It that phone rings again, I'm picking it up.

Going to Humboldt!

I got my letter yesterday.

All this snow has made me depressed. I don't like it and I feel really bad for Michael for having to put up with it. He's great, though. He doesn't get angry or upset like I do, he'll just hold me and tell me to breathe. Shhh...there's no reason to cry.

I'm just so in love, more than I ever have been in my whole life. It's times when I'm unreasonable or sad or embarassed that I hope he remembers that.

I mean, it used to be really bad in high-school. Hell, up until I was about... 19. So almost two years ago. I'd get panic attacks, I'd have days where I hate myself, I'd just cry and cry. It's so much beter. Look world, confidence!

Some days... like yesterday, it just crashes back for a few hours when I get upset. Michael never saw my old panic attacks, and I'm glad for it. If the worst he sees is 20 minutes of crying then the happier I am for small favors.

So, point being?... I stilll hate the snow. =D

You know what I cannot stand? Being sick! 

I know I'm getting better because I've started going into coughing fits. At least I can breath and I've got some sleep the past two nights. Before that... ugh. Sleep was not at all an option. 

Christmas was wonderful. Michael's family and mine got along great (which will make it easier for when we get married, ha ha...) and it was perfect. It was one of the best Christmas' I've had in a long, long time. The past two were... either ruined by certain immature people or people were sick. 
This was so fabulous, though! We had good people, good food, hilarious game play... plus my cousins were up along with my sister. That was really nice because I haven't seen them since last May. Everything was... perfect. 

Also, Michael got me The Crow graphic novel (yesssss!) and an ipod. I've already read through the novel once and flipped through it a couple of times. I haven't gotten to mess with the ipod yet because we have a new computer we need to set up and I'm just going to wait and put itunes on that. His parents also bought us a camera and we have indeed played around with that... hee hee hee...

New Years is also coming up and I haven't really decided on a resolution. I may end up just going with what everybody else says and "lose weight" ... no, mass. I want to lose mass. It's not a big deal, but I feel like I've gotten a little soft. I need to start working out again. I need to find a 24 or early gym that I can go to at like 5 in the morning so I'll actually go. If I wait for the afternoon or evening by that time I'm already tired. I should also consider jogging with Michael. He hasn't been able to go lately because of work, but I'm sure once he gets a set schedule we can do that.

Totally random: Christian (the asshole) contacted me via the myspace. He was like "I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I wanted to say hi." So I said hi and happy new year and that if it was really that difficult for him still he really shouldn't be doing that because it was almost a year ago. I hope that's not too mean, but... it really wasn't a good relationship. I was rebounding, wanted someone else (but did not go for it, thank you very much), didn't enjoy our time together, was confused about if I was enjoying our time together, and was distant. I'll admit that. 
It was not a good relationship and I don't want anything to do with him. When we broke up he did everything in his power to drive me crazy and feel sorry for him and try to tell me what kind of person he thought Michael was (which is all bullshit). So I don't know, I hope he gets the message and won't do it again. 

Linnea, we need to hang out. O__o